December, 13 2021
If you have been following my articles carefully (I hope!), you may want to go to someone to help you free yourself from one problem or another. If this is the case, here are a few tips to help you make the right choice.
Therapist, therapy, are not bad words! Just because you go to see someone doesn't mean you're going to get life imprisonment either.
Everyone has their own approach and pace. You may need to see someone occasionally to free yourself from a recurring problem and this does not have to take years.
But before we get to the heart of the matter, let's start by desacralizing the therapist.
Therapists are people like everyone else
A good therapist is above all a person like everyone else. As I said before, nobody is perfect and perfection does not exist. A therapist is no exception to the rule. Some people give them a guru aura but beware of transference. A therapist has problems like everyone else, so they are no better or worse than you. Like a garage mechanic, they have special skills that can be useful to you.
Some people expect a therapist to have a flawless attitude and to set an example. Remember, there is no such thing as perfection. Like anywhere, you can have a good therapist, a good coach, but who also has his or her own problems to deal with.
In the same way, a good coach is not necessarily a good player, a good therapist will help you progress even if he has his own problems.
A therapist is therefore a coach
A coach, not a fairy with a magic wand that will miraculously make your problem disappear.
If you go to see someone to be at your side in your process of liberation, be aware that it is not him/her who will work but you!
Like the trainer, the therapist is the one who accompanies you to help you pass a (hopefully) milestone!
Qualities of a good therapist
Before choosing a therapist, ask yourself what qualities you are looking for in the people who will accompany you on your path to liberation.
Some will prefer someone who will accompany them gently, others will prefer someone who will shake them up, others will prefer someone who will question them in depth, others, a person who just need a word or a gesture.
Beyond the personality of the therapist and his or her approach, for me there are qualities that every therapist should have:
A good listener,
Non-judgement,
Presence,
Kindness,
Humility
It is obvious that a person who does not listen to you, cannot accompany you where you want to go. So, if a therapist imposes a line of work on you at first contact, remember to ask questions about why and how. We are all unique and so the therapy we receive should be tailored to each individual.
Non-judgment is very, very important to me. Not only should a therapist never criticize you, but he or she should not criticize the way other therapists have done things in the past or the work you have done so far.
Everyone has a role in our world and just because the person next to you doesn't work the way you do, doesn't mean they suck.
A therapist should be a master of presence, i.e. when he is in consultation, nothing should distract his attention. He is at what he does, that is, listening to you and only listening to you. Someone who spends all his time answering or looking at his phone is not present and even less listening.
The quality that I think is most important is kindness. Someone who listens to you with kindness and an open heart.
Finally, humility, a therapist is a person like everyone else and therefore should be humble in his or her role as a coach. The work of liberation that you can do will be done together.
As you have understood, a therapist is a companion and therefore, like a trainer, a coach, he or she must suit you.
Therapy - the method, the approach
Before making an appointment, ask yourself what type of therapy or healing session is right for you?
Nowadays, there are so many therapies, types of healing, and working methods that it is not always easy to see clearly or to choose. If you feel like consulting a particular therapist because he or she has been recommended to you, don't hesitate to call him or her and ask questions about the method he or she uses.
For example, you may be someone who doesn't like to talk too much, but if the therapy being practised requires you to open up about your life, feelings and moods, this may be uncomfortable for you.
Also, don't hesitate to ask about the method used.
In most cases, therapists have a toolbox and they tailor their approach to their client.
As I have discussed in previous articles, there are many approaches, so there is no reason to lock yourself into a path that does not suit you.
My best advice is to call the candidate therapist and ask questions, this first contact will either confirm your choice or make you turn away but at least you will know.
Above all, if a therapist tells you to stop your treatments right away, turn away. Alternative therapy is a complement to medicine, not a substitute for it. The treatment part is reserved for doctors.
How many sessions?
It goes without saying that, depending on the problem, several sessions may be necessary, but the therapist should never impose a number of sessions on you. He/She can explain his/her approach and why it may be necessary to have several sessions, but to say that 10 sessions are necessary right away seems to me to be unjustified.
It is clear that if you have been suffering for many months or years, your problem may not disappear in one session, so be open but also active.
I usually say to my consultants, if you don't feel any change after 2 or 3 sessions, it's either not the right approach for you, or you are not ready.
After a session, you should be able to sense whether the therapist is right for you and whether the session was positive. How ? Well, if you are uncomfortable just thinking going back to a person, then the person is not right for you. Don't confuse the fear of releasing something during the session that may be uncomfortable and the uneasiness being with the therapist.
How to choose and keep a therapist? Questions to ask yourself
To sum up, there is a multitude of brief therapies today, so to find your way through this jungle, take the time to find out about the therapist and his/her methods.
Before the session
Come prepared, don't forget the therapist is a trainer, he/she is there to listen to you, so try to prepare the session by listing your problems and what you want to work on. You are in control of your life and your emotional release.
Remember to prioritise your issues in case not everything can be dealt within one session.
Write down for each issue the impact out of 10 it has, 10 being the worst. Write this down in your notebook.
After the session
Note your impression of the treatment, the therapist and whether you want to come back.
Note how you feel, if you are unwell for a week after a session, call the therapist back and ask if there is anything he/she can do.
There are some therapies that shake you up more than others. It's up to you whether you want to be shaken up or not!
Estimate for each issue you work on, how much out of 10 it is.
Some times later
Estimate again each issue.
After 3 sessions
Estimate again each issue.
Keeping a therapist? It is not automatic!
Unfortunately, alternative therapies are not free, so let's be pragmatic. Under no circumstances do you have to be loyal to anyone in terms of therapy, or healing for that matter. You may need a therapist for a while and then another one will be more appropriate afterwards or even during. Trust yourself.
Before you make another appointment, ask yourself the following questions:
Look at your estimations of the issues you worked on
Did it do me any good?
Is there a tangible result?
Don't feel obliged to make another appointment.
Before taking the next step : Symbolic letters
A few years ago I discovered symbolic letters and their powerful liberating effect. I have selected a few as examples:
The aim is always the same, to write down on paper, only for oneself, what one has to say to a particular subject, to a person, to the Universe, to one's unconscious, and then to free oneself by burning the letter.
The important thing in this exercise is to do it consciously and not to think about it afterwards.
I have listed several that I myself have experienced on several occasions:
The letter of liberation
The letter of liberation from the family clan
The emotional release letter
The ressource letter
The letter of liberation from emotional ties that have become toxic
Letter to your critical voice
There are as many forms as you can imagine, you can even invent your own letter.
Experiments / Exercises
Until you find the right therapist for you, here are some exercises that might be very helpful
Experiment - Your personal booster - the resource letter
When you are in a good mood and everything is going well for you, take a moment to write a letter to yourself in which you write down everything you like about yourself, everything you are proud of having accomplished, everything that would make you say "not bad, not bad at all". Write this letter as if you were addressing a friend to whom you want to show how good and important he or she is to you.
Take the time to do it seriously.
On the envelope, write, my personal booster.
When you are in a period of low morale, pull out this letter.
Here is an example to download
.
When to use it? When you're feeling down in the dumps.
Frequency: Once.
Time: 30 minutes
Difficulty: Easy.
Effectiveness: Surprisingly effective.
My opinion: Worth a try for the time/benefit ratio.
Exercise - the little stickmen - Jacques Martel
This exercise is impressive in its simplicity and effectiveness. I let you discover it in a video here
I particularly recommend it for your children, they understand very quickly and can quickly release themselves emotionaly.
Here is also a small summary that you can print.
When to use it? Every time you feel something is bothering you.
Frequency: As often as you feel the need.
Time: 10 minutes
Difficulty: Very easy.
Effectiveness : Really surprising, it WORKS!
My opinion: Children love this exercise. Try it without moderation and keep it in a corner of your mind.
In the next few articles, I will talk about the different therapies I practice and how I practice them but not only.
Don't hesitate to share and leave a comment if you feel like it and/or if you have any questions.
See you soon, have a good holiday.
Nathalie