October 10, 2021
On the assumption that your body is your guide, you are the only one that can listen to it. Following it's direction allowing us to evolve and to free ourselves if we know how.
For a long time, I thought that psychotherapies were somehow for the weak but I could not have been any more wrong. The truth is: recognising that we have a recurrent emotional or physical issue, that we have an inappropriate behavior and accepting some help, to consult a psychotherapist or any other person requires a great deal of courage.
As I explained before, doing nothing is also a valid alternative. It just means that you are not ready to act or that it is more comfortable for you to do nothing. Waiting for the issue to disappear by itself is another option but more often than not, the issue will not go away by itself, something has to change.
SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE !
Easier said than done! If you follow the reasoning, if something is bothering you, it has to bother you a lot, so much that you take a decision to fix the issue or at least to modify the impact of the issue on you and for this, something has to change!
Yeah, I get the feeling, you are not really convinced!
Remember the iceberg explanation, our subconscious is the one driving our lives and not our consciousness.
So, if you are willing to change something, you will need to negotiate with your subconscious, or at least find what is unconsciously blocking the resolution of the problem.
Why am I convinced of this and why I am not the only one?
Because if the decision to change was enough to change, you would have already done it. The problem is, that most of the time, we believe the opposite. We decide to no longer eat sugar, to stop smoking, to stop thinking about what make you sad, to not attract the ones that hurt you, to not feel hurt when someone criticises you, to stop stressing ... you see what I mean?
Convince yourself that the others are the ones initiating your unhappiness is not the solution either, because, in this case, there are a lot of people around you that initiate some of your problems and guess what, you are the only one reacting this way!
So, willingness or awareness is not enough. You need to act at the subconscious level.
YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS IS YOUR ALLY, ITS SPOKESMAN : YOUR BODY !
As I already explained, your body is not a machine that performs operations without a word. It talks to you and communicates with you when you need to fix something in your life.
But then, how to act at the subconscious level ? How to access it ?
Today, there is a lot of techniques that allow to work at the subconscious level, the most famous one is Hypnosis. This is a technique that allow to change your state of awareness to get access to the subconscious.
To sum-up, any concentration exercise, meditation allows to open a door to your subconscious.
You can access to the subconscious as well via the physical body. With for example, the muscular answer test or the inner pendulum. When you formulate or think about something that unbalances you, your body will react. The problem is that we learnt how to ignore those tiny physical reactions. But they are there for sure.
I will detail those precious tools in another article.
UNDERSTANDING IS NOT SUFFICIENT - WHAT REALLY COUNTS IS CHANGING INTERNALLY
It took me only a few weeks at the time to understand where my aching belly issue was coming from. However, in my head, this little voice was repeating : "So, what? What can I do with this information?" and I continued to endure those pains in my belly!
It took me 4 years, to change internally so that my problem would disappear for good.
Or rather for my body to not yell at me anymore via this aching in my belly !
Of course, usually, there are several different origins for one given issue. The same is true for emotional suffering or for chronic disorders. You need to be aware of your issue, understand how to avoid falling back in the same conditions and not repeating it.
The easy part is the awareness of the problem because it does not require a lot of effort, only self-honesty.
The more complex part is to find a way to not fall back in the same conditions, in other words, how to not react the same way again and again, which drives you into the same said problem?
Note that the reaction can be emotional, physical, mental even all three of them.
We are really lucky, we live in an amazing time where we have access to a lot of tools and brief therapies which are very efficient to release the origins of a problem or to find the inner resources to free oneself.
Remember, same cause, same effect !
Sometimes, when the release is effective, you will automatically change internally. It happens. Other times, the change will need to be performed consciously. Sometimes, just releasing a painful memory initiating a specific behaviour is enough to see the behaviour disappearing by itself. By the way, you will not necessarily notice it.
Don't take me wrong, I am not saying that any problem disappears when we work on it. For some, it can happen, for others, instead, it will be your approach, your reaction, the way you will handle it that will change.
LET'S START BY SELF-RECONCILIATION !
It is useless to blame yourself for a pain/hurt/ache that you feel. We all do our best. Remember, we are not perfect and we are on this earth to evolve and learn. It is pointless to chastise yourself because you are hurting or despite your good will, you are repeating the same mistakes. However, when you actually become aware of repeating the same mistakes, you have the choice : Either you try to change or accept to repeat them.
In your opinion, what will a suffering person do if you yell at them to stop suffering ? That person's stress will increase and not only he/she will continue to hurt but in addition, he/she will blame himself/herself.
By blaming yourself, this is exactly what you are doing. You are yelling at yourself.
So, the first thing to do is to act as an adult in front of a child that is doing the same mistake again and again. Take their hand and explain to them that together you will find a solution to not repeat the same mistakes.
You have no reason to blame yourself for a problem that you don't really control. You became aware, you make the choice either to accept it as it is and live with it, or to free yourself from it.
You are your best friend. Who else than you can understand you ? Who else can take your hand and support you ?
YOU ARE your best friend !
OUR INNER CHILD NEEDS LOVE AND KINDNESS
Often the part of you that is hurting, is this inner child that is afraid and does not dare to express himself or herself. This part of you that you have ignored or silenced often by repremanding him/herself.
This part is most probably hurting and is confused. This part needs love and kindness to dare express himself or herself.
When a huge emotion is surfacing, often this is an inner child emotion and not an adult's one. So, cherish your inner child as you would do it for a child hurting. Shower them with love and talk to them with kindness. Be the parent your inner child needs.
THE BEST WAY : KINDNESS
The best method is the self-kindness, love yourself and don't judge yourself.
Focus on your heart's energy. On your feelings. Listen to your sensations !
You are the only one that can decide to change and to give yourself enough love to not be submerged in your emotions and to help you free yourself. This requires you to have a way of thinking ...
The "way of thinking" means observing. Some techniques require more or less training but most importantly regularly
Take time for yourself every day whatever happens is key. Time to clean-up your thoughts. To de-pollute them of all the negativity that has piled up. Time to give yourself the love you need. Time to nurture your inner peace, to quieten your mind. To soothe your mental turmoil.
Most importantly is to do something for you with purpose every day and to not waiver. For this, finding the best activity is crucial. For some people, it will be meditation, for others, relaxation music, run or doing nothing.
Look for and find the activity that will allow you to clean-up and empty your mind of negative thoughts, to soothe your mind, to find back your inner peace.
The most important thing is to do it consciously, to be really present when you do it and for 10 minutes every day. Some will need a routine, others to change every day. What counts is to take TIME for yourself, only for YOU.
The trick is to not waiver and to integrate it into your agenda. If you do it when you got time, you will not sustain it. If you don't have ten minutes per day to devote to yourself ... I have only one answer. Do it in the bathroom !
Song : Il est où le bonheur ? (where is the happiness?)
Experiences - Exercises - Tools
Tools: cardiac coherence (breathing exercises to regulate your cardiac rhythm), draw, play the piano, garden, ride a bike, go for a walk ... anything that feels good.
Exercise – 10mins for YOURSELF
Note all activities that make you feel good, make a list and every day, pick one activity from the list. Write this list in your notebook.
Do it during at least one week :
Integrate a 10 mins break in your agenda every day.
Estimate how you feel at the beginning of the week.
Every day, estimate your state before and after your activity.
At the end of the week, estimate how you feel.
Write in your notebook, the efficiency of the activity that you chose.
Some ideas :
Mountain meditation - John Kabat Zinn – 20 mins
Sitting meditation - John Kabat Zinn - – 10 mins
cardiac coherence – 5 mins
Relaxation music – healing songs – Mei Lan Maurits
Relaxation music - healing songs - Michèle Landais
Ping shuai Qong – 10 mins
Vibratory Music – Mental waves synchronization – Mental Waves – 12 mins -
Inner Child meditation – you will find several meditations on YouTube -
When to use it ? Daily
Frequency : Every day or whenever you feel the need after trying it daily during one week.
Duration : 10 to 20 minutes
Difficulty : Easy even if you fall asleep.
Efficiency: crucial to keep your inner balance.
My opinion : Doing the same thing day after day can be boring, on my side, alternate is the solution.
Exercise - Life rules :
Estimate how you feel at the beginning of the week.
Print the 5 golden rules extracted from the book the Five Point Touch, Acupressure for the emotional body.
Put it in your bag.
Set an alarm on your phone every 2 hours for example to consult them.
At the end of the week, estimate how you feel.
Note it in your notebook.
When to use it ? Several times a day during stressful period
Frequency : As you feel it.
Duration : 2 minutes
Difficulty : Easy.
Efficiency : Very useful during high stress period.
My opinion : It is useful to remind yourself those 5 golden rules very often
To go forward:
I hope you liked this article and that those tips will help you.
Don't hesitate to share and to leave a comment if you are feeling it and/or if you have some questions.
Bye for now.
Nathalie