August, 30 2021
My own click
15 years ago, I was suffering from recurrent stomach ache. It was so painful that I could not do anything when I had it.
It started 7 years earlier. At the beginning, I felt pain for 5 minutes. Then, it got worse, month after month, year after year. I was aching a bit more and a bit longer. It was as painful as labor pains, every month, during 7 years. At the end, I was suffering during one week and I had to lie down.
No more sport, no more outings with friends, I was obsessed with it.
After several medical tests, doctors did not find anything and I did not get any treatment proposal. The only thing that was helping with the pain was a hot water bottle and to eat something every 3 hours. After yet again a week spent crying because the pain was unbearable, I accepted the idea that maybe, the solution was elsewhere and that someone else may be able to help me. I decided to set aside my beliefs and my fears to try something new. I had a click, I decided that enough was enough.
I then turned to a psychotherapist with unorthodox training. A friend told me «Try, you will see, you have nothing to lose ?! »
Of course, my problem did not disappear after one session, but right away she told be your problem is emotional. After 3 sessions with this psychotherapist, the pain moved from 10/10 to a bearable 3/10. And even if it took me 4 years to get rid of this pain completely. Along the way, I changed. I took the opportunity to take care of others sufferings, I learnt to take control and decide what I wanted to get rid of.
In 15 years, I changed. A lot.
And if today, I can write this blog and share all this with you, it is thanks to this stomach ache.
So, the first step is: DECIDE!
To each click, its own decision
In your life, how many times when you made a decision, you did not go all the way?
When I say decide, I mean, in your innermost depths, you were certain that you wanted something, you were determined to get it at all cost.
I think the answer is NONE.
So, if you want to change something in your life, you need:
A click, an awareness and then
Decide.
The full success will often be only a question of time and patience but you will succeed.
DECIDE WHAT? FOR WHAT?
The click or the awareness is essential. Whatever is your problem, you need to understand that you are the only one able to give yourself the impulse for a release.
Whatever is your suffering, you can only count on you to DECIDE to release yourself.
DECIDE! DECIDE IT FOR YOU! BE COMMITED to GIVE YOURSELF THIS PRESENT!
No problem exists without a solution. The solution is just not where you are looking for! It is elsewhere!
When you decide to take action to release yourself, then and only then, you can look for help if you feel the need.
Before that, don’t count on anyone to decide on your behalf. because as long as you do not make your own decision, as long as you do not give yourself the impulse, the efforts will be in vain. So, why not maximizing your chances.
Likewise, the same causes produce the same effects, if you have a recurrent problem, it is obvious you have to change something if you want a different result. Change something on your side of course, because waiting others or circumstances to change is often a waste of time.
To sum up, whatever is your problem, if you do not have a click that will make you aware that you have enough and that it is time to do something to release yourself, it won’t matter if you go to a doctor or anyone else for help, it will not change anything. In the best-case scenario, you will gain a temporary relief or a band-aid.
An example to illustrate my point
If you go through the same hole on a regular basis and that you twist your ankle. You may go to a physiotherapist to strengthen your ankle, if you put your foot back in the same hole, your chances to twist your ankle again will be very high. Isn’t it easier to walk around the obstacle instead of persisting to try to go through the obstacle?
The click: I am fed up of twisting my ankle
The awareness: If I go through the same hole, I take the risk to twist my ankle again.
The decision: I need to change something.
In this example, change something is easy, walk around the hole. For more complex issues, you may need some help to become aware of something, to identify what you need to change in your life.
A problem may be complex but at the end, it is always the same process: click + awareness + decide. In the previous article, you have listed what bothers you the most. The experience that I propose here is the next logical step of the assessment exercise that you may have done following the previous article.
Don’t worry, if you did not do it, you can still do this exercise.
Experience-The 4 objectives-a very powerful tool to get the ball rolling
Our brain is a war machine very powerful but it needs fuel to be performant. And its proper fuel is objectives.
It is therefore very important to have 4 objectives at any point of time, each one in a different timeline.
Try to define them and to check them once a month. Putting pressure on yourself is not the purpose but to give you goals. Set realistic objectives, one per timeline, it is important.
Assess from 1 to 10 how you are feeling in your life today.
The first time: Define each objective. It must be something that is important to you.
a very short-term objective – 15 days to 1 month – this objective will have a ripple effect and will lead you to action.
a short-term objective – 3 to 6 months – this one will help your concentration
a medium-term objective – 1 year – this one will help you feed your motivation
a long-term objective – 3 to 5 years – This one will help you give a meaning to your life.
Next times: review each objective
Is it reached, achieved?
Yes – define another one
No – is it still appropriate?
Yes – keep it and take the time to think why you did not reach it yet if it is a short term objective. Otherwise, just keep it.
No – you are allowed to change your mind and change your objective.
Assess how you feel after this exercise: from 1 to 10
If you are not able to find 4 life objectives, then I would suggest to try again later or to try one by one. If you don’t have any objective, you don’t have any goal. I you don’t have a goal, you don't have a purpose. You just go with the flow, subjected to constraints, you are not the driver. Your self-esteem is at risk to drop dangerously.
Life is much better than this.
Information on the exercise:
When to use it? When you are lost and you don’t find any meaning in your life, when you are feeling like a robot.
How often: monthly
Duration: 15 minutes
Difficulty:
For some of you, it will be an easy exercise: it most certainly means that you are someone with very clear objectives.
For others, it may seem more difficult – it means either
you have too many objectives: you are wandering ==> get back to basics
or not enough: you are not on the passenger seat ==> get back to what is important to you, take some time for you only
Efficiency: Very efficient for the ones that tend to wander or to not live their life.
My opinion: From my point of view, this tool is very interesting and it is a good idea to do it at least once in a while to make sure you always have 4 objectives. The most important is to have at least 4 objectives but not too much to avoid wandering.
The goal of this exercise is really to set realistic objectives and not to challenge yourself all the time.
I would suggest to go through the 4 objectives exercise at least twice. Don’t forget to assess how you feel before and after.
Don’t forget neither, if you are not enthusiastic for this exercise, don’t push yourself. Again, this is only proposals.
I am eager to read your comments and questions.
Bye for now.
Nathalie
Commenti