August 11, 2021
Reminder : Before getting to the heart of the matter : Everyone is free, free to choose. Don't push yourself in any way. And I will add, if some of my comments ring a bell or if you find some of them harsh. Remember, you are free to accept what I am saying or not. You are free to not read the remainder of this article. At last, I am just sharing in this blog my point of view.
Experiences, cotton buds ?
Someone said : Experiences are like cotton buds, no one wants to use them after you ... and he was right.
How many times, when you were feeling low, a close friend or a relative told you "you should ...", "I don't understand why you don't..." ... with kindness of course ?
Did it help you ?
Most of the time, no !
It is as if, as soon as the words were out, your ears just closed by themselves. As if a small voice inside was yelling : "Don't you see how I am suffering. I don't give a damn of what you are saying"...
I've been in this position many times, either as the one that was receiving the kind advice or the one that was giving the advice. Neither of these positions is comfortable. Neither for the one that receive the advice and whom inner thoughts are "I would really like to see you try !", neither the one that give it and that see his/her advice purely ignored and hear the other person think very loudly "see if I care."
The click = become aware that a release is required
You most probably experiment as well to have an epiphany, a click, a brillant idea. "What if I was doing this or that ?"
You did it, you went all the way. You then felt very proud of yourself.
Afterwards, you may have realised that your mother, your partner, a friend did gave you the same advice. And he/she was right. You most probably had the click after hearing a stranger saying something insignifiant out of context that got your attention.
To be honest, this happened to me quite a number of times ... And this will happen again ... most probably.
So, how come, most of the time, we are deaf to our close friends or relatives advices, the ones from the people that love us ?
I think the answer is : this is because of those damn cotton-buds ... more seriously, because we are not ready to hear them, that is, not ready to free ourselves from what hurt us. Until this very click.
Before that, the discomfort or the fear to free yourself is too strong and prevent you from acting or simply to become aware that a release is required.
And how do we know when we are ready to free ourselves ?
I would say, when the said problem or pain seeps into each one of your thoughts. In other words, when it sucks all your energy. Or furthermore, when you want to move on even if you are a bit afraid.
I often say : you will take care of it when you will really get enough of it. Which means when the urge to, will be stronger that the underlying fear.
Why is that ?
Simply because : If something is bothering you, you think about it and then you forget it. When the discomfort is greater, you think about it even more. And when it becomes inbearable, you think about it almost all the time. Then the related emotion explodes.
Or
So, the first question to ask yourself is : Do you really get enough of something ?
Or, do you prefer to moan about it or to complain about it a bit more ? (Because, to be honest, it feels good to do so !)
You are the only one that has the answer. Nobody else.
Even if sometimes, the temptation is strong, nobody can ever tell you what you have to do. You are your own boss. It is up to you to decide, when and where you want to do something.
NB : If you don't know if you really get enough of something ? Then ask yourself this question, do you have too strong emotions ?
You are the only one that can decide if you really get enough !
Something must be very clear for you : the two answers are ok. You are a free being, you are in charge of your life and nobody can take away from you your free will. You have the choice to accept a situation, a pain or to do whatever you can to work towards releasing yourself.
The most important is to make this choice in all conscience. Something most probably came to your mind, something that you don't like in your life, something that is hurting you.
Think about it and in your innermost dephts, what do you decide ?
Whatever are your worries, your fears, your doubts, your desire to free yourself must be stronger.
Your desire to release yourself from what ? From what is holding you back, preventing you from moving on, hurting you literally and figuratively.
Perfection does not exist and we are therefore all imperfect. Looking for perfection is a waste of time but aiming at freeing oneself from what is weighing on us and hurting us should be our life top priority.
If we don't do it, our body, sooner or later, will remind us and it will remind us more and more loudly if we don't listen.
There is a thousand and one way to be able to free yourself. Each one has his/her own path, more or less meandering. Some will get straight to the point, others will have to take detours, some will take the physical releasing approach, others the mental one, others the emotionnal one. But at the end of the day, the goal is that you will not be hurting anymore and that you move on in your life with a smile on your face.
We are not talking here about grinning foolishly all day long but to be able to quickly recover and smile again whatever are the hazards of life. To be able to let the emotions pass through et recover your inner balance with a smile.
Songs : je garde le sourire ! et tout passe !
Experience : Make your assessment
The scourge of our times is not the burn-out anymore but the brown-out. A lot of people have lost the direction of their life. What is my goal ? What is my purpose ? When you have no real direction, you are errant in life. You just go with the flow, you let the power to others, you let yourself drift irresolutely. Unfortunately, the day you realise this, it is an electroshock. And the wake up call can be painful, very painful.
Thus, here is a small exercise that I propose, make a small assessment.
Take a notebook, it will be your "everything is fine, I am ok ?!" or "notebook for when I am feeling low" notebook. Write the title on the cover.
My assessment
Assess from 1 to 10 how you feel in your life today. 1 is "I hate my life" - 10 "my life is perfect as it is". Be honest with yourself ! No one will look in your notebook. You must take into account all your areas of life : relationships, work, family, your physical comfort, your emotional comfort. Is there anything that make you overreact ? Recurrent physical issues ?
In case, very surprisingly, you wouldn't be at 10 😉 list everything that bothers you, that make you sad systematically or that make you loose your temper. What make you unconfortable, that unsettle you emotionnaly, more that it should.
Sort them in 2 categories - what is important and what is less important.
In each category - rephrase everything starting with "I"
Example : Replace "xxxx gets on my nerves !" by "I can't bare xxxx" by - xxx is something, a behavior, a person, a pain ...
Then sort all items from the heavier to the lighter.
Assess how you feel after this exercise : (from 1 to 10).
Informations on the assessment:
When to use it : every 6 months.
Duration : A good half an hour.
Difficulty : the first time, it can be difficult.
Efficiency : This exercise is for me very important to become aware and sort what is important to be released for yourself.
My opinion : This is an exercise very interesting for the people very down-to-earth, that tend to rush headlong and that pile up little troubles that will turn to big troubles with time. For the ones that are a bit lost, this exercise can help them to pinpoint what is important to fix/resolve.
Tip : If it is difficult, you can ask someone to help you.
This list will be your guide throughout our journey together and even beyond.
Bye for now !
Nathalie
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